Outside The Box

Oh where, oh where have I been?

2005-12-09T20:04:00.000-05:00

If you're wondering where I've been for the last seven months, all I can say is that I've been busy. In fact, I'm only blogging now because I am avoiding schoolwork, of which I have a ton to complete. But, I might start blogging again. Or, I might not. In the words of an old friend of mine: "I'm a moody guy."

Here are som possible topics that I am considering blogging about in the near future:
- The proposed stadium lease for the Washington Nationals
- My football predictions and results for the Ravens and Redskins
- A diatribe on the debacle known as the Baltimore Ravens (I have already reserved the title "The Raven' Lunatic" for this editorial, so don't go stealing it.)
- My quest to buy a home and stop renting. And when I say home, I mean one-bedroom condo, because in the Baltimore/DC area, a single family home is too expensive for a single income person.

Mostly, I will use this space to bitch about how sick I am of schoolwork. If you didn't know, my graduation has been pushed off until May, because I am an overachiever who just had to take more classes. (By the way, my GPA in graduate school is a 3.83, which is more than a full point higher than my undergraduate GPA. Yeah me!)

It's not in the company handbook, but it should be.

2005-05-16T21:14:00.000-04:00

Hey you . . . kiss my ring.

Recently at my company (I’ll call it “We Built That" Construction Company), we have had some discussions about employee retention and promotion. Many of our competitors use a system of employee recognition similar to the Government. They establish different pay grades or levels, and as employees progress through each level, they receive promotions and raises accordingly. For example, entry-level employees are a level one or two, mid-level employees are a level three, four, or five, and upper management is a level six to infinity. This is very efficient, and the employees know exactly their status is in the company hierarchy. My company does not have set levels and there are many different titles for the same job, especially at the lower levels. I don't mind this system, but it can often be hard to distinguish between Project Engineers (entry-level), Assistant Project Managers, and Project Managers. There can be confusion and resentment when either veteran or entry-level employees are addressed with the wrong title. To fix this problem, without having to go thru the agony of implementing pay grades (which I think is far too socialist), I have devised a new recognition system for my company.
My company has recognition problems between two levels - Assistant Project Managers (APM) and Project Managers (PM). It typically takes four to five years from the time a college graduate begins working to become a PM. But often times, this transition is sloppy. If you are not clearly running your own project, there can be much confusion. Often times there are several PMs on one large construction project. So, I propose a ring ceremony to officially honor the new Project Managers. This could be done at a fancy restaurant (i.e. Bobby Van’s Steakhouse) once a year. Management could get all of the young APMs together and, over a nice dinner, officially honor the new Project Managers with a company ring. This way, everyone would know who is a PM and who is an APM. The dinner would be a “rite of passage” of sorts (like becoming a “made man” in the mafia). And every five or ten years, the company could add a stone to the each person’s company ring. This might serve to inspire loyalty, as well as provide each employee of a nice reminder of his commitment to the firm.
To better illustrate this, let me take you through an example. Let’s say John is hired after his college graduation in June. In July, he attends his first annual company ring ceremony, where he witnesses a few older guys receive a company ring and get promoted to Project Manager. Then John is assigned one of these older guys as his “mentor”. After John works hard for the company for five years, bonds with his mentor, and learns the tricks of the trade, he is promoted to Project Manager and given his ring. Then, John is assigned his own new hire for which he must be a mentor. In this way, the circle of life is complete. Every five years, John is given a small diamond chip for his ring, and by the time he retires, his ring looks like a Superbowl ring.
I think this would be a novel approach to inspiring loyalty and increasing employee retention. This program could be extended to all employees with at least five years tenure with the company. In our case, each division could have their own ceremony (accounting, administration, project management, estimating, site supervision, etc.). Employee retention, recognition, and loyalty become more and more difficult everyday. We should be open to new ways to satisfy the psychological and physiological needs of our employees in ways that monetary rewards are unable to achieve.

For Bobby Van's Steakhouse, click here.

The Dating Range Theory

2005-05-13T20:06:00.000-04:00

After much procrastination and delay, I posted my first "theory". I call it "The Dating Range Theory". It's in Microsoft Word Format, so download it, review it, and let me know what you think.

The Dating Range Theory

Sports Action Tuesday

2005-05-10T19:26:00.000-04:00

It's time for Sports Action Tuesday! On Tuesdays, I hope to have my posts relate to the sports world. We'll have to see how long this lasts. Today, I will offer a few predictions. Enjoy.

The first prediction involves the Yankees and the Redsox. As we all know, the infamous Sox curse was broken during game four of the ALCS (American League Championship Series) last year. But, I don't think the curse was broken. I believe that the curse was transferred from the Red Sox to the Yankees. That is why the Yankees are 14-19 and 8 games out of first in the American League East. Although Boston isn't in first place, at least they are well above .500 (I now take this time to congratulate the Baltimore Orioles on their excellent play thus far. Peter Angelos - you're still a tool.). And the curse is not only affecting the Yankees, but has also extended to George Steinbrenner. Not only did his horse (Bellamy Road - the hands down favorite) not win the Kentucky Derby, but the nag failed to place or show as well! Now, due to a minor injury, the horse isn't even going to run in the Preakness or the Belmont Stakes. So, let me be the first to announce that the curse of the great Bambino has been transferred from the Red Sox to the Yankees. It's about time.

My second prediction is for the upcoming NFL season. I predict the Washington Redskins will finish 9-7 and miss the playoffs. I predict the Baltimore Ravens will finish 10-6 and make the playoffs as a wildcard team. I have attached an Excel file that details each game.

Ravens & Redskins 2005 Season Predictions

My final prediction is that the Wizards will lose to the Heat in the NBA playoffs. But, you don't have to be Nostradamus to predict that one. Congratulations to the Washington Wizards on a spectacular season! You have made the city of DC very proud.

FYI - This is a shout-out to G-Love, who is graduating this may with a master's in civil engineering. Way to go! Special Sauce and myself don't graduate until December.

2005-05-08T16:07:00.000-04:00

Here is a poem I wrote for my friend, Bunny.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who's the best worker of them all?

Why you are, my noble sire.
Because your boss is a moron, who just won’t get fired.

He rants and he raves, like a spoiled little brat.
While you work all day, he watches and gets fat.

And your co-workers are lemmings, all disgruntled and sad.
They ask stupid questions, and their work is quite bad.

The customers are never happy, and the suppliers keep calling.
No one is satisfied and the treatment’s appalling.

If it weren’t for you, the ship would be lost.
But you struggle to save it, sometimes at all costs.

You work long and hard, without any recognition,
And somehow you manage to maintain your ambition.

So here’s to you, the keeper of the flame.
Who keeps corporate America swimming in gains.

The next time you feel ignored or ill-used,
Remember this thought to keep you enthused:

Your office might run like a prison or zoo,
But how would it run if it didn’t have you?

"We're runnin' a bidness here!"

2005-05-05T07:09:00.000-04:00

Below is an actual letter I wrote to a subcontractor (I work in construction) today. This sub won't give me the paperwork I need. I have tried everything from anger & threats to outright begging. This was my last attempt.

Dear Mr. [omitted],

[A change order] was issued to your firm on November 17, 2004. The scope of this change was to provide an upgraded kitchen for the [high-level appointed official] of the United States [Government agency] on the 2nd floor. Since this change was issued almost six months ago (24 weeks, or 169 days), you have failed to provide the requested submittals. Although I have asked repeatedly for these submittals, I have received nothing but failed commitments. To put this into perspective, below is a list of events that have occurred since November 17th:

· Iraq held its first free elections in decades and put a new government in place
· The National Football League finished the 2004 season, including the playoffs and the Superbowl, as well as held the 2005 Combine, the 2005 draft, and completed the 2005 rookie camp.
· The Washington Wizards have played 80 games, including 5 playoff games.
· The Washington Redskins have switched quarterbacks from Mark Brunell to Patrick Ramsey, drafted quarterback Jason Campbell in the first round of 2005 draft, and released quarterback Tim Hasselbeck.
· The movie “Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events” was released in theaters, nominated for four Academy Awards, and released on DVD. The film won an Oscar for “Best Makeup”.
· I completed an entire semester at Johns Hopkins University.

As you can see, a lot has transpired over the last six months. [This contractor] does not feel that our request for kitchen submittals in this time period is unreasonable. If you feel that it is we are being unreasonable, I encourage you to express these thoughts in writing, so we can get some sort of movement on this issue. Please, please, please provide [this contractor] with the correct submittals or, at the very least, a written response to this letter by May 11, 2005. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

“Contactors and building owners know Local 602 members build and service mechanical equipment with the highest degree of professionalism.”
- Excerpt from Steamfitters Local 602 website

Sincerely,
[Me]

Cc.: [Boss]
[Coworker]
File 13
Easter Bunny
Santa Claus

News Flash: Loud Stadiums Damage Athletes' Hearing

2005-05-04T19:40:00.000-04:00

Shhh . . . I'm trying to concentrate.
Baltimore, MD: Every professional athlete knows how important home field advantage is. Often times, the roar of the crowd can be so intimidating and deafening, that even the mightiest opponents break down (see Yankees-Red Sox 2004 playoff series). However, a new report proves that the hometown fans may be killing professional athletes, one decibel at a time.
Scientists from the Dundalk Urinary Institute (DUI) have produced a study, which states that loud stadiums can permanently damage athletes hearing. To be more specific, an ordinary speaking voice produces sounds at 60 db, while a rock concert produces sounds of about 110 db. But a sellout crowd at the Garden can produce noises over 175 db! A professional basketball player, exposed to this level over several seasons for 82 games each season can easily go deaf within a couple of years. This possibly explains the declining play of Christian Laettner, Obinna Ekezie, and Juwan Howard (but it does not explain Kwame Brown; he just sucks). In fact Shaquille O'Neal has often attributed his lousy free throw shooting to the fact that he can't hear the basket.
This phenomenon doesn't just apply to basketball players. The NFL also has its share of problems. Hearing loss by the offensive line of the Washington Redskins led to record setting penalties in the 2003 season (and almost cost quarterback Patrick Ramsey his life!). When asked about his reaction to this report, NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue replied, "This could be a problem that deserves something. We'll let the college game deal with it first. Let me know what they come up with." NBA Commissioner David Stern echoed the sentiments of the NFL. When asked if the NBA would require the players to wear earplugs, Mr. Stern replied, "What's that? I couldn't here you, could you speak up?" Our thoughts exactly, Mr. Stern.
Surprisingly, Major League Baseball has not reported this same type of hearing loss. This could be do to a number of factors, including fans only cheer for the beer-man at baseball games and the fact that steroids create a natural barrier against hearing loss. Also unaffected are American hockey arenas, Major League Soccer venues and the PGA Tour. The DUI report did not address NASCAR, since it is not a real sport. When asked for a comment, Dale Earnhardt Jr. replied, "You don't have to hear to drive in NASCAR. You just have to drink beer, marry your cousin, hunt squirrels, hate the North, drive fast, and turn left!" Too true Mr. Earnhardt, too true.

Ravens vs. Redskins

2005-05-03T19:38:00.000-04:00

As promised, here is the correct answer to the Ravens/Redskins question I asked on Saturday. You can disagree, but you'd be wrong.
The Baltimore Ravens and the Washington Redskins are similar teams. Why, then, are the fortunes so diverse? In the last 5 years, the Ravens have won a Superbowl, while the Redskins have won poor draft picks, overpaid free agents, and the scorn of town that loves football.
The success level between the two teams are rather comical, considering that both teams are relatively the same. This past season, both teams had great defenses, strong offensive lines, good kickers, and young quaterbacks (I will address Mark Brunell later). So, why do the teams seem so different?
To begin with, football starts with the draft. Despite the fanfare that large name free agents bring, teams are built through good drafts. Over the last 5 years, Baltimore has been one of the best drafting teams in the league (ie. Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Peter Boulware, Terrel Suggs, Todd Heap, Jamal Lewis, and the list goes on). Washington has drafted such greats as Rod Gardner (aka baby hands), Mark Wilson, and Robert Royal. Yes, I am cherrypicking some good and bad names, but you get the point. Dan Snyder has tried to buy Superbowls instead of earning them through solid team building.
Another critical area of team success is the quarterback position. Baltimore has used Kyle Boller for the last two seasons, while Washington has used an entire committee. For the 2005 season, Boller must produce. This is his "put up or shut up season". If he fails, it's not for lack of trying on Ravens' part. That is how you build successful quarterbacks - give them all the tools and support they need to succeed. The Redskins, on the other hand, have messed with Patrick Ramsey so much that he is damaged goods. This is a shame, because I think Ramsey is actually a better quarterback than Boller. If Ramsey had been in Baltimore for the last 3 years, the Ravens would have gone to the playoffs this year. Instead, the Redskins played Ramsey in the 2003 season behind the worst offensive line in football. As a result, he almost set the NFL sack record. By some miracle under God, the beating Ramsey took that season did not dimish his confidence. But under a new coach (Joe Gibbs) in the 2004 season, he was ignored and sat to wither on the sideline until the season was pretty much a lost cause. And for what, Marj Brunell? I can't even type, I'm so upset that the Redskins brought in Brunell.
There are a dozen more reasons why the Ravens' organization is far superior to the Redskins' organization, but I'm outa time today.
If you disagree, please let me know.

By the way, if you don't remember, the Ravens beat the Redskins 17-10 last season. Man, was that an ugly game!

Final Exam night!

2005-05-02T19:27:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately, I don't have time to write anything interesting, due to my final exams. But, I did add a counter at the bottom, so I can see how many people actually visit this blog. I am keeping my expectations low. I think I am getting the hang of the blog world.
I do have time to share an idea with y'all:
I think someone (possibly me) should invent marshmallows stuffed with chocolate. You could pop one in the microwave for 5 seconds and have an instant smore!
This product line could be expaned into several items stuffed inside marshmallows, such as jelly, peanut butter, chocolate & peanut butter, caramel, butterscotch, gummy bears, etc.
Maybe I will attempt to stuff marshmallows one rainy weekend this summer. Feel free to add your own ideas.

In the future

2005-05-02T19:19:00.000-04:00

While staring deeply into the watercooler outside of my office door, I saw revelations of the future, and I thought I would share them with you.
In the future, Baltimore and Washington DC will merge into one giant city called MidAtlantica. They will have more professional sports teams than any other city, but will never win a championship of any sort again (in this country, soccer does not count as a real sport).
In the future, New England will break away from the United States and form its own liberally enriched country. The rest of the U.S. will only allow this because New England agreed to take New Jersey and the Scranton/Wilkesbarre portion of Pennsylvania with it.
In the future, Pittsburgh and Philadelphia will eventually merge into once city. They will have one football team call the "Steegles" which will continually play itself in the Superbowl (except for Superbowl IIIXXXMCIVI, in which the Steegles take on the Flyers and the Penquins).
In the Future, a large earthquake will sink California into the sea. 37 million people will die. However, filming will be canceled on "Waterworld 2". The rest of America views this as an even trade.
In the future, Presidential elections will be decided by height. America will change the dollar bill from "In God We Trust" to "Our leader is taller than yours". This keeps Mexico from invading for several centuries.

Feel free to post predictions of your own.

Looking for a theme

2005-05-01T19:40:00.000-04:00

I am getting the hang of this blog thing. However, my blog is not a nest full of witty incites and extrodinary ideas, but rather a silly stream of conscienceness without ryhme or reason. I desparately need a direction or theme, if you will. Any suggestions? Afterall, you're the one who has to listen to me.
I have decided not to work on my final exam today, and instead will watch the mindnumbing programming provided by the Fox Television Network tonight. Excellent!
I didn't go golfing today, nor did I get out on my motorcycle. In fact, I did nothing, unless you count Taco Bell as an accomplishment. I played my roommate in chess and I did surprisingly well, although he beat me in the end. Next time I play him, I'm gonna keep yelling "king me!" until he just quits and I win by default.
Well, I'm off to watch the Simpsons.
By the way, I watched "Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind" with Jim Carrey today. It's pretty good; I recommend it.

Satuday, here in the park . . .

2005-04-30T11:49:00.000-04:00

It's Saturday and I am at school working on a take home exam. To further my dreams of becoming rich and famous (but mostly just rich), I am getting a graduate degree in "bidness". I also work full time, so I would consider myself a semi-productive member of society.
If it doesn't rain, I am supposed to go to a baseball game tonight. We'll see what happens.
I am tempted to put one of my exam questions on the blog so you can see what I'm doing. But, I think that would open an ethical can of worms. So, I will ask a similar question and you can provide answers if you wish:
Compare and contrast the Washington Redskins with the Baltimore Ravens. In your discussion, please project each team's record for the coming season.
I will provide an answer later this week.
FYI - when you provide comments, please leave your name. I am making a hit list and its much too hard to make a hit list when everyone's name is "annonymous". Fortunately, I have my friend Dolly to help me make my list. Dolly is not her real name, but it is the first nickname for a person on this site. I'll give you two big guesses who it is and why I call her Dolly. Remember, the clue is: "she likes to make lists".

Blog #2

2005-04-29T18:10:00.000-04:00

This is my second blog. I think I got this thing formatted okay and I understand the buttons and whatnot. The next problem is whether to tell my friends about this blog. If I tell them, then I can't talk bad about them, which is a shame 'cause some of them have real problems. But, I do need an audience. Afterall, how am I going to get a mjor motion picture deal if nobody reads my brilliant diatribes. If you're listening, tell me how to expand my audience, please. And, if you are listening, then you're the only one. Go tell two friends. Just don't tell my two friends. I would hate to piss both of them off.
I think I will tell my friends about my blog. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. I will have to come up with nicknames, though, so I'm not sued for slander or liable or slanderous lible.
Last night at the bar was fun. I won a camcorder but they didnt' give me anything. I think it's coming in the mail. Whatever. There was a cute girl there. She was very witty. I love smart comedy. I wish I was smarter and funnier. I have just shared a little bit of myself with the world. I should share more. I like too watch Anna Nicole Smith's reality show. Was that too much?

My first blog

2005-04-28T20:54:00.000-04:00

This is my first blog. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Can you say "hell"? Oh, fuck it. I intend to curse profusely in future blogs. I hope this thing has spell check. If I type all of this out and and it doesn't work, I'm gonna be super pissed. Wow . . . there is a real sense of freedom in here. Fuckin' sweet. God, I wish this idiot on television would shut the fuck up. It's so hard to fuck-off with him talking about nothing. I think I'll lighten up on cuss words, as they tend to bring the whole piece down.
Now, I wish I had more to say. The whole world is listening, and I have nothing to say. I feel like Forest Gump.
Things I like:
"The Office" (the British version, although I am getting into the American version) - This series is hilarious. And you can tell how sophisticated I am from my previous rambling. Bloody brilliant!
Personnel details:
I am a man in a major metropolitan city, somewhere in the U.S. I think I'll slowly release personnel details about myself as the blog develops, sort of like the Simpons dropping hints about where Springfield is. Maybe by season 13 you'll know who I am. Hell, I don't even know if this blog will make it to the second episode. I guess this is like the pilot episode. How's it going so far? Yeah, I thought so. Well you're not so interesting yourself! Sorry, that was out of anger, not out of love. My apologies.
I like ice cream. That should probably be in here somewhere.
Well, I'm off to the bar. I'm not usually a culture vulture, but I'm meeting some friends and a bunch of people I don't know. Whatever. Hey, does this thing have spellcheck? Did I already ask that question?
Y'all come back soon now, ya here?!

I need a better catch phrase.